Dramatized Life #1: Beginnings and Introductions

Disclaimer: The following story is completely (maybe) fictional (or not). Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental (especially the ones that are on purpose).

James stared at the blinking cursor on the screen, struggling to find his first words. That was always the hardest part of writing anything - the first sentence. After that, it was hard to stop the words, but until he could begin there simply wasn't anything he could do.

He'd had an idea - a journal of sorts, but not his real thoughts. More like a soap opera that was his own life. Why a soap opera? Because he thought it would be funny. Or at least mildly entertaining for him.

But, he realized, he had nothing to write about. Nothing had really happened that summer. Unless people thought it was fun to read pages and pages about some punk playing too many video games and drinking too much coffee, he was out of luck.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, wishing, not for the first time that day, that he was already back down in Auburn. Huntsville used to be home - now it just reminded him of High School. And High School had been a load of crap.

He wasn't sure if it was just his imagination, or if he was legitimately different in the two cities. In Huntsville, he felt on edge and frustrated all the time - even though he had more money now than he had in recent memory. In Auburn, he was dirt poor - but infinitely happier. He was leaving that night - and, if it had been up to him, he wouldn't be coming back.

He had to take classes in Huntsville, though, so he was trapped between the two worlds.

He sighed, and wrote the first words.

   Life was meant to be simple, he started, not really sure where he was going with it. As usual, the words came of their own accord. You grow up happy, you go to school, you find a girl, you get a job, you get married, you die old and happy.

   But that's never really how it works, is it? I mean, can you imagine what would happen to country music if that was what happened? We'd have, like, two songs. And I guess it's a good thing that it doesn't happen like that all the time. I mean, think about it - who would want to read a story that didn't have any problems in it? If the Lord of the Rings had been about Frodo and Sauron settling their differences over second breakfast, nobody would read it.
  
   If there's no struggle, there's no value in resolution. That's why romances don't start with people getting together. People want to see the process.

   It sucks when you're stuck in the middle, though. Especially when it seems like the writer is one of those ridiculously long-winded, painstakingly detailed ones. But I guess everything always seems a lot longer from the character's perspective, right?

He paused, still not sure where he was going. He hadn't written anything in a while - not since he'd finished his last book, really - so it felt good to just sit down and write. It didn't seem to pull itself together like before, though.

He cracked his knuckles, then cursed softly as he noticed the time. He had to go to a two hour Physics lecture tonight - then to lab, then back home to pack, and then he could finally start the trek home. He closed out the document without saving it - he seemed to do that a lot, lately. Nothing felt good enough to save.

Maybe he would write something worth keeping in Physics. But he'd probably just fall asleep.

Confidence

What does it mean to have confidence?

            That’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot, lately. When you say the word “confidence”, you normally think of that super-athletic dude who isn’t afraid to just walk up to a random girl, tell her she’s beautiful, and get her number. Or maybe you think of that incredibly beautiful girl who isn’t afraid to say whatever comes to her mind, no matter what. Maybe it’s that friend who seems to be able to get along with anyone because they can turn any situation into a joke.

            But what does it really mean? Is confidence just an underlying belief that we can do something? Is it believing that we are naturally great? Most importantly – how in the world can we even have confidence?

            I think that the reason that “confident” people stand out so much is because they’re the exceptions to the rule. They seem to lack the insecurities that we all foster – about our looks, or the way we speak, or how we dress. From the outside looking in, they seem perfect, because it doesn’t look like they’re scared.

            I’d kill to be able to not be scared.

            My problem is this: the way to attain confidence seems to be to look at oneself and say “Yeah, you’re something.” But I don’t see “something” when I look in the mirror. I see a sad, broken, pudgy, weak, and failing little man. There is nothing there in which I can put my confidence. The mirror offers me no hope.

            And that’s because the mirror was never meant to offer us hope.

            Anyone who is truly “confident” in themselves is bound for a nasty shock. The fact of the matter is, man is universally broken. Not just sorta broken, but broken beyond anything we could ever fix. Scripture tells us that “All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.” (Romans 3:12)  Sin has invaded and corrupted every area of mortal life. In the same way that we will most assuredly be disappointed by putting our confidences in money, love, or power, so will we be utterly let down if we allow ourselves to hope in ourselves.

            So, what then? Do we wallow in self-pity? Do we beat ourselves over the heads with wooden boards to remind ourselves how pitiful we are?

            No. There is, in fact, confidence for us. There is confidence that is far, far greater than confidence placed in ourselves. Man will fail. This is a guarantee of his own nature. But, by the same token, God will never fail. He is literally incapable of it.

            This God has taken worthless vessels of wrath and transformed them into worthy vessels of His own righteousness. This is where our confidence comes from – not that we are intrinsically worthy, but that we have been given worth. We have been turned into things of value. And nothing can ever take that worth away.

            This God has also promised to work all things together for our good – we, who are called according to His purpose. And, because we know that He is a God who cannot lie, we can confidently wait for the fulfillment of our hope with patience. We can be assured that His plans are, in fact, better than our own – even when they don’t mean our immediate happiness.

            So, what does it mean to have true confidence? It is to know that God is God. That is to say, that our God is absolute ruler over earth and heaven, time and space. He is not distant; He is not indecisive. He is not merely God when we feel that He is God. He is not even God because we believe He is God. He is God because He is God. He is the only true God, who never slumbers or sleeps, and who watches over and cares for His children perfectly.

            Our confidence is the confidence of a child in his father – and we have a perfect Father.

            “Know that the LORD, He is God! It is He who made us, and we are His! We are His people, and the sheep of His pasture.” – Psalm 100:3

Hope

            Hope.

            Those four simple letters form an idea that every single person on earth is searching for. From the moment we are conscious enough to understand that we are alive until the day we die, we search for meaning. We look for purpose. We hunger for it the same way we hunger for food.

            Why?

            There is something inside us – something written on the very fabric of our beings – that sees everything that is and understands that it isn't enough. Something tells us that there must be more to creation than simply what we see.

There must be more to living than simply being alive.

             Here lies the greatest testimony to the universal fallen state of the human race: we, knowing full well that we have a purpose that is above and beyond us, do not know that which has been placed before our very eyes since the beginning. The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Indeed, in our natural state, we literally cannot come to know this. We are dead in our trespasses.

            We build idols the same way we breathe. To quote Calvin, “Every one of us is, even from his mother’s womb, a master craftsman of idols.” We look to anything and everything we can find with our clawing fingers and place our hope in that. We hope money will save us from hunger, that our knowledge will save us from being inconsequential, that love will come and save us from loneliness.

            Each and every one of those things fails us. Wealth leaves us wanting more. Knowledge leaves us empty. Love never comes. These hopes are not hopes at all. They are false. Fake gods, playing at the real thing, like children dressing up in their father’s clothes. In our blindness, we serve them as if they were real. As if they had the power to save us. As if they were not the created things, but the Creator Himself.

            The Creator would be perfectly just to wipe His ungrateful creation from the face of the earth. We are worse than mere ingrates – we set ourselves up against Him, attempting to claim the title of god for our own selves. We desire to set up our own thrones and cast His down into the sea. We are his enemies.

            Yet, instead of crushing us underfoot, God has done something strange.

            Instead of wiping us out with fire, He opened our eyes. He opened our ears. He told us our purpose. Instead of spilling our blood He shed his own so that the eyes of the sinful man might see the glory of God – indeed, he has taken away mans’ very sin.

            Our hope is in Christ. Our hope is in grace. Our hope is that, one day, Christ will return and make all things new. “For it was in this hope that we were saved. For hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” (Romans 8:24-25 ESV)

            So take heart, brothers and sisters. Remember the hope in which you were saved. Your mortal plans will fail you. Success will not bring you the sweetness it promises. Love will not give you the fulfillment you desire. Friends will let you down. This is because all these things are created things, not their Creator. This is because all these things, no matter how good they may seem, are still fundamentally broken.

            But Christ makes all things new. Christ, our sure foundation. Christ, the solid rock on which we stand. Christ, who cannot be moved, or shaken, or destroyed. Christ, who will never let us down.

            In Him and Him alone, we have true hope.

"If the whole universe were without meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning." - C.S. Lewis

Death

            I’ll be honest – I don’t know what to do with death.

            I've never lost anyone I was close to. I can’t even remember the last funeral I went to before today. In many ways, that makes me even more scared of death. Not my own death – the deaths of the people I care about. One thing I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that every single one of us is mortal.

            Fear, however, is assuaged by knowledge. While I don’t know what I’ll do or say when the time comes to bury someone I love, I know that if we find our hope in Christ, death is powerless. Not only will we eventually be reunited, we will be reunited in glory. To die is gain.

            Death serves now as a gateway to victory for the Church. It also serves as a stark reminder to those of us left here on earth. “Pain,” C.S. Lewis writes, “is God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” It is a distinct reminder that there is something wrong with this earth. A resounding call to remember that, no matter how comfortable we may be here in our warm American houses, this place is not our home. It is a call to leave behind the meaningless things of life and instead take hold of true life, found in the Word who has conquered death.

            Death is a reminder of the promise that all things are going to be made new. What is wrong will be made right. What is dark will be consumed by light. One day Christ will come and be with His people, without the separation that sin brings. Nothing can stop that. Paul says that nothing, “neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

            Christ is risen, and one day we, too, will stand with him in glory. Yes, we must walk through the valley of the shadow of death before that day. Yes, death might even touch every single one of us.

Hold fast to the truth that death cannot keep us captive forever.

“Oh grave, where is your victory?

            Oh death, where is your sting?”

- James